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On this Christmas morning, do you fret about selecting quite the right gift for a loved one? I always try, but everywhere I turn the suggestions flood in with unhelpful suggestions. No, I don’t want a candle that smells like turkey, for the simple reason we’ll be cooking the bird itself. I also don't need a dawn-simulating clock, since opening the curtains open achieves the same thing. And I definitely don’t desire a facial mask containing fish-derived collagen, because said DNA originates in fish semen. If I wanted aquatic semen applied to my skin, I would tickle some pollocks.

Finding Inspiration From the Natural World

So if you’re always looking for inspiration, my advice is: learn from wildlife. Humans didn’t invent gifting. This tradition has existed for at least 100 million years, well before our species evolved. With a little help by evolution, this has given creatures plenty of time to master gift-giving. Heck, some spiders even gift-wrap their offerings!

Excluding fitness gear and other products I dislike, there are five main types of holiday presents: food, homeware, jewelry, skincare and clothing. Nature's creatures has them all covered.

Culinary Presents: High-Protein Treats to Gourmet Skewers

Certain cuckoo species offer their mates nutritious morsels including bugs, amphibians, and reptiles. However, for those who like your meat shished, then the great grey shrike, also known as Lanius excubitor. The males spear their catch, like bugs and rodents, on sharp thorns and twigs to create impromptu kebabs.

Some insects gift their beaus spitballs, but these aren’t ordinary globs. These are the nuptial gifts of scorpionflies, crafted with the freshest saliva sourced from swollen labial glands of the most genetically superior males. The delicacy is nutrient-dense, which is one reason the females favor males with larger gifts.

Another reason is that the fittest males produce the largest gifts. By "fit" I am not referring to “looks great in a leather jacket”, although they probably do. I refer to genetic fitness.

The gifts are given as a prelude to sex, thus, by selecting the male with the biggest package, the female is choosing superior genes. She then consumes the delicacy during sex but terminates intercourse the moment it’s all gone. Larger gifts mean extended mating sessions, where the male transfers more sperm and the female is unable to mate with anyone else. This clarifies why he bothers with such an elaborate offering.

Homeware and Bling

These Antarctic penguins don’t give food, but they do give nesting materials. On the icy continent, where they live, one cannot find a hardware shop, so the birds must source their offerings from the local landscape. Every mating season, males collect small stones to begin constructing their nest. These crucial components are rare, leading some opportunists to steal pebbles from their neighbours. But when a male presents a stone to a potential mate, it is a sign his readiness for commitment. Consider it the avian version of an engagement ring. The stone is not worn, though. If she also wants to get serious, she takes the pebble and places it to the nest. Subsequently, following some finishing touches, they are ready to start their family.

Regarding bling, corvids are masters in this department. There are many stories of individuals who made friends with wild corvids and then been given metal caps, screws, fastenings and various glittering objects. For instance, two people in Florida were once given a bracelet with a diamond by a crow they often fed. This is particularly endearing since, whereas many creatures give presents in the hope of scoring, crows seem to give simply for the joy of it.

The Ultimate Combination Gift: Sponges

Off the coast of Australia, researchers have observed dolphins plucking clumps of sea sponge from the ocean floor and using them in interesting ways. Sometimes, while foraging for food, they wear the sponges over their rostrum to shield their sensitive snouts. And sometimes, when males want to woo females, they wear them as playful headwear before presenting them as presents.

In so doing, dolphins ingeniously merge two final categories of holiday gifts. Sea sponges are clothing and skincare. And if that’s not enough, when males present their sponge gifts, they frequently adopt a U-shaped posture and play a whistling sound via their blowhole.

This is not the half-arsed giving of domestic animals – like a cat leaving a deceased rodent in a hidden spot – or some people. Dolphin gifts are considerate, multipurpose, ethically gathered and presented with flair. There is a lesson for all of us. A famous singer claims that all she wants for Christmas is a loved one, however, my one Christmas wish, is to be given a sponge-based headwear and skin guard from a cetacean who serenades me with style.